Beautiful Messes
Making mistakes is an important part of learning. But whoever said it’s easy?
Beautiful Oops by Barney Saltzberg is one of my all-time favorite books to read to kids. Each page shows a different mistake — a bent corner, a tear, a coffee stain, etc — and when you flip the page it transforms into a creative fix! The bent corner becomes a happy penguin mouth. A wad of paper becomes a sheep. Not only is the book full of fun surprises, but it sends a very important message:
It’s okay to make messes. We can turn them into something beautiful.
Since childhood, I’ve been an over-achiever — wanting to always do my best, please everyone, and never mess up. I remember playing flute in a music competition once, and all I could think about was the one note I missed — not the other hundred the sang brightly. I lost joy. Somehow, in the pursuit of excellence I forgot why I enjoyed music in the first place. As an adult, I still battle perfectionism, but I’m learning to take myself less seriously.
Writer Anne Lamott challenges our inner-critic —
Perfectionism is a mean, frozen form of idealism, while messes are the artist’s true friend. What people somehow (inadvertently, I’m sure) forgot to mention when we were children was that we need to make messes in order to find out who we are and why we are here…
(Bird by Bird)
Mistakes lead to discovery. Perfectionism keeps us in the shallow waters at best. Children need to know that it’s safe to fail, even GOOD to fail. How else can they take creative risks? Become confident? You might’ve heard the term growth mindset, but that’s an adult way of saying the same thing.
Growth mindset describes a way of viewing challenges and setbacks. People who have a growth mindset believe that even if they struggle with certain skills, their abilities aren’t set in stone. They think that with work, their skills can improve over time.
Slow down, you might be saying. Growth mindset sounds nice, but you also said “messes” earlier. I don’t like messes. My children make LOTS of them. Are you actually encouraging MORE messes?
After a long day of work, when the toddler is screaming … there’s pasta all over the floor… and I can’t remember where I put my brain… NO THANKS.
Okay. Take a breath. I’ll show you how.
Let’s keep it simple.
This lesson below is mess-free. The only messes you’ll encounter might be your own perspective ;)
How to do a “Beautiful Oops” lesson with your kid(s)
(I’ve done this with 2 year olds — 4th grade.)
You’ll need the book & printable worksheet (linked below). OR just a piece of paper.
Before you read the book, Beautiful Oops, together, ask your child to think about a time they made a mistake. How did it feel? Be prepared to share a simple example from your own life recently, big or small — ex. spilling the orange juice, being late somewhere, saying something you regretted.
Read the book together.
Worksheet: Now ask your child to look at the “mistakes” on the worksheet and fix them. There are no wrong ways of fixing. The only thing that matters is that your child tries. Explain this plainly. Ex. “You are going to use your imagination to turn these mistakes into something else. Anything! You choose. There is no right or wrong way.”
If you don’t have a printer, draw lines and circles on a piece of paper for your kid. No need to be an artist. You’re practicing growth mindset too, right? ;)
If your child struggles during the worksheet, you might also try it with them. Show how you fix a mistake. Laugh at yourself. When they see you’re not taking yourself too seriously, they likely won’t either.
After your child finishes, ask them about what they drew. You can simply point and say, “tell me about this picture…” Many kids enjoy sharing how they came up with something silly or clever.
Then ask how it felt to fix the mistakes. Connect this back to the conversation before you started before reading the book. What should we do when we make another mistake? How could we turn it into something beautiful? Instead of feeling helpless, your child thinks about solutions. They might not come up with great fixes right away. That’s okay. It’s about practicing a new mindset. Affirm their ideas and gently direct them towards practical solutions.
Now, here’s the most important part — this lesson is really about us parents.
Like it or not, our attitude creates our child’s learning environment. Beliefs become actions. I’m far from perfect at this, but I try to keep beautiful oops in mind. When my child sees me making a mistake (for a two year old, that’s usually a literal mess), I model problem-solving. I shut down negative self-talk, and I’m kind to myself.
ex. Oops! That was a mistake. How am I going to fix this? Hmmm. See, mom makes mistakes too… that’s not a bad thing. We just have to fix our mistakes. What matters is that we learn something, and we try better next time.
Something magical happens in these moments when I embrace my own messiness — I see opportunity instead of hardship. Gold instead of ashes. It allows me to offer the same mindset-shift to my child. I stop taking them too seriously. I believe in their ability to grow. I give them more patience and grace. Best, we have a lot more fun together.
Feel like we’re just scratching the tip of the iceberg? We are. If you want to dig deeper into your own mindsets around learning, check out MindsetKit.
Parents learn what a growth mindset is, why it’s important, and best practices to support their children in developing this learning belief.
